Month: November 2014


Reign of the Studs


My BFF loves me so much. She wasn’t digging the L’Oreal polish that she got in her Beauty Box 5 this month, so she gave it to me. She enables me so much.

Unlike my polish, hers actually had the sticker still on it. It’s called “Reign of the Studs” – what the hell does that mean? That sounds like some kind of bizarre gay S&M porn? It’s basically L’Oreal’s version of Zoya’s Pixie Dust – it’s splendid. This is Sinful Colors Base Coat + 2 coats and no top coat. Like the Pixie Dusts, edge wear is immediate and unavoidable.

4th post of the day! W00t!


Coming Up Roses


So I had $30 in Birchbox points burning a hole in my pocket…and a 20% off coupon code, so I HAD to place an order.

Ever since I discovered Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz in “Soft Brown”, I have an almost pathological fear of running out and not having a back-up. Yeah, it’s $21…but it is the only eyebrow pencil I’ve found that doesn’t make me look like Cruella DeVille.

I am always looking for a good rose scent, so I decided to try Jurlique “Essence of Rose” Roll-on Fragrance Oil. It’s a traditional rose scent – my husband wrinkled his nose and said, “Grandma.” Well…tough shit. I also got Jurlique Love Balm in “Rose” – the cold weather is taking a toll on my cuticles and knuckles.

My free mystery add-on was 2 pouches from Hairkop Essences: Treatment Conditioner and Leave In Moisturizing Cream. They both contain Obliphica (Sea-Buckthorn) Fruit Extract. I have no idea what that is and it kind of scares me.

So I got $60 of loot for $10.80. I LOVE Birchbox so fucking much.


All By Myself…


I found myself shopping alone yesterday – Lily had a hot date with her BFF, which left me with an afternoon of opportunity.

After the not fun stuff like getting gas and picking up a prescription from Satan’s bunghole CVS, I hit up Nordstrom Rack. I was looking for some Too Faced palettes I saw people finding online, but nada. I did find Urban Decay polishes for $4.97, so I got “Zodiac” and “Addiction”. I also got a long sleeved yoga shirt with a hood, because I wanna look like I work out even though I never actually work out. Did you know that Nordstrom Rack offers a debit card like the Target Red Card now? It’s NOT a credit card, just linked to your bank account and you earn points – YES, please.

Next, I visited Marshall’s, still searching for more Kat Von D. All I found was an empty box for the eyeliner set I already have – someone had stolen all of the eyeliners. Rude. Since Lily wasn’t with me, I had the luxury of trying on clothes. The clearance at this location was REALLY good. I found a grandma sweater and two pairs of Michael Kors pants – terry cloth lounge pants for $20 and dress slacks for $25…in my size and long enough. $200 worth of pants for $45!

…One thing – it’s not even Thanksgiving yet and shopping is already retarded busy. People were about to shank each other for parking spaces, driving all crazy – I almost hit a rent-a-cop wandering around the parking lot. Be safe out there – people are dumbasses.


November Ipsy Bag – Girl Meets Glitter


I got my ipsy bag on Friday, so sorry for the delay!

November’s bag is “Girl Meets Glitter” and I totally LOVE the glittery plastic bag from Forever 21 Cosmetics. I haven’t stepped foot in a Forever 21 in over a decade…maybe not since the 90s?

Inside my bag: Be A Bombshell Cosmetics Eye Base in “Submission”, a creamy gold taupe; J. Cat Beauty Lip Paint in “Red Potion”Marc Anthony Oil of Morocco Argan Oil Volume Shine Hairspray; Starlooks Gem Eye Pencil in “Ultra Orchid”; and TEMPTU S/B Highlighter in “Pink Pearl” – and now I have 2 of these and have no idea what to do with them.

This is a pretty decent bag, but none of the products seem to go together. Gold eye shadow base with purple eye liner and red lipstick? Maybe if I was Lady Gaga…

If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my link.


Pumpkin Spice All the Things!


It’s cold outside. You know what that means? Time for the white people to PUMPKIN SPICE ALL THE THINGS!

I got one of the Ipsy Exclusive polishes in my bag last monthNicole by OPI “On A Gilt Trip”. I started with a coat of that – I was surprised that it is a full coverage matte gold – I was expecting a sheer shimmer. I topped with a coat of Sinful Colors “Pumpkin Spice”, which is gold and red glitter in a clear base. WHY is it called “Pumpkin Spice”? I would expect “Pumpkin Spice to have oranges and browns? Whatever…

I used the Sinful Colors Base Coat and Sally Hansen Diamond Flash for the top coat. I took the picture at work, while I was bored waiting for a spreadsheet to calculate. WHAT? You don’t carry nail polish around in your purse at all times?


November Birchbox – BuzzFeed Life


My Birchbox got here yesterday, but it was my night to cook dinner and frozen pizzas don’t magically cook themselves!

Instead of the regular box, I chose the special BuzzFeed Life curated box. Inside my box: amika Perk Up Dry Shampoo (I know, I know – I have a dozen of these and I never use it); Dr. Jart+ Pore Minimalist Mask (it has charcoal serum – I’ll be using this soon); Dr. Lipp Original Nipple Balm for Lips (Uhhhh…); Greenleaf Signature Candle in “Silver Spruce” (OMG, I could smell it THROUGH the box and outer shipping box – it’s like an entire 9 foot Xmas Tree); and Mirenesse iCurl Secret Weapon 24hr Mascara. There is also a cute sticker that says “cute” – cute!

If you would like to try Birchbox, click on my referral link – – I’ll get 50 points if you join.


Let’s Build A Snowman!

…and NO, I am NOT referring to Frozen. I’m referring to that classic of college cinema – Cannibal! The Musical. In this movie, if you start singing about building a snowman…YOU DIE.

Julep “Kiki” looked so good that I decided to try out Funky Fingers “Olaf” on top of it. (Yes…THAT Olaf.) “Olaf” was yet another frustrating glitter. Those snowflakes were impossible to fish out of the bottle because of the narrow neck. I gave up after one snowflake per finger. The rest of the glitter was wonderful…but those fucking snowflakes…

I did 2 coats of “Olaf”, which I regretted as I was removing it just a few hours ago. I had to pry those fucking snowflakes off with my fingernails…


Cloudy Dream


Julep “Kiki” is like dark, dreamy thunderclouds rolling in. It looks lighter in the bottle, like a bright sun shower – but once it’s on your fingers, it’s thunder and lightning. Julep’s site describes it as oceanic silver shimmer – maybe an oceanic storm? The Bermuda Triangle?

Another one coater, but I used two to be sure – sandwiched between Revlon Quick Dry Base and Top Coat. No bubbles or streaks – it’s like Julep has turned into Zoya all of a sudden!

I wish I had worn gray and black today instead of brown and pink…


November Beauty Box 5 – Gracefully Grounded


Just like last month, I got my Beauty Box 5 on the same day (Saturday) that I got the shipping email. I understand them hedging their bets – why not send the emails a bit later than they day the drop them in the mail? No matter what, I get them pretty quick since they are based in Austin.

“Gracefully Grounded” is November’s theme. Inside my box: L’Oreal Paris Nail Color (Really – another polish without a name? I thought L’Oreal always names their polishes? I call this one Bright Ass Tomato Red…); DenTek Floss Picks + Case (perfect for my purse); HASK Macadamia Revitalizing Shine Oil; Laura Ashley Body Butter in “Cherry Blossom” (Is Laura Ashley still around or is this product left over from the 80s?); and Dove Deep Moisture Body Wash (I got a full size in my Allure Beauty Box, but haven’t tried it yet.)

My BFF didn’t get hers until today – I FINALLY got one of my boxes before her!


A Solid Fart


So I made the mistake of asking my son what he he thought about my fingernail polish…he said it looks like “a solid fart.” After questioning him, he claimed that he had pooped this color before – and I stated that he needs medical care. He laughed at me as he walked away. Even though it sounded like he was saying my nails look like shit, I know that’s not what he meant. He meant that they look like chili beans, so I can kind of see that.

This is Julep “Fazia”. (Is Julep running out of polish names? May I recommend “Lara” or “Lilith”???) It was a true one coater, but I used two just to be sure. It was smooth and didn’t streak – and NO bubbles! I used Revlon Quick Dry Base and Top Coat, which seem to work best with Julep.

I can’t wait hear what my next polish looks like…boogers, barf or some other excrement?