Good Intentions


My intention when I walked into Big Lots today was just to pick up some Veggie Straws. Maybe some Zone Bars and Pop Tarts…the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I saw The Healing Garden “Passionate Rose” Rainwater Body Mist first. I’m always on the lookout for Rose scented stuff – it’s rare and The Healing Garden is a good brand and you can’t beat $1.50.

I was disappointed that they were out of Olay Fresh Effects BB Cream. That stuff is $12.99 at regular stores and I wanted some for $5. I did find some cheap cotton rounds – I hope they don’t suck.

I turned the corner and there were several new bins of $1.00 fingernail polish. I controlled myself and picked out 5. Sinful Colors “Nova” is black with green and silver shimmer. Sally Hansen Diamond Strength “Sparkling Rose” is, well, sparkling rose. Revlon “Brilliant Bordeaux” is black with fuchsia and silver holographic bar glitter. Revlon “Ruby Ribbon” is fuchsia with fuchsia and silver holographic bar glitter. Julie G “Gift Wrapped” is fuchsia microglitter. I’m not familiar with Julie G – I hope it’s not shit.

It just goes to show that I cannot be trusted to go shopping ANYWHERE.




Mardi Gross


This is not what I had in mind at all. Imagining the two polishes together, I thought my nails would look like the beach at high noon, the sun’s rays glinting off the sea foam, seashells glittering in the surf. I was dead wrong.

Instead, my nails look like Bourbon Street the day after Fat Tuesday – cheap beads floating in a river of vomit and piss. Mardi Gross.

To be fair, I only put down one coat of Julep “Kennedy” and I should have put down two. I totally misunderstood how Sinful Colors “Bombshell” would look. I should have swatched. ALWAYS swatch.

Excuse me while I go remove this crap and try something else…


Masked Ceremony


If I could have ANY job I wanted, I would be a Nail Polish Color Namer. I consider myself to be a fairly creative person, but the people who name Nail Polishes are on a totally different level.

This is Orly “Masked Ceremony”. The name reminds me of some twisted sex party with masks – like Eyes Wide Shut. This is the color of Nail Polish you put on when you are going to get screwed by a dude in a pig mask….not that I know anything about that. I totally DO NOT know anything about that.

It’s so hard to take pictures of dark nail polish – I had to go stand in the backyard. I kept flipping my hand around to try to pick up the fuchsia highlights, but they are barely visible. I wonder if my neighbors think I am a nutcase?



Is Ulta Addiction a Thing?


The DSM-5 needs to be updated to include the very first case of POCD – Polish Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I could make some psychiatrist’s whole career!

Ulta is a weekly thing with my BFF and I, but while in DFW for Texas Frightmare Weekend, we realized that our other friend had never stepped foot inside an Ulta. We had to remedy that immediately! (To be fair, I passed 2 Ultas while I was walking around in Downtown Chicago and I did NOT go in – most of my co-workers were dudes, so I controlled myself…)

While my BFF had her eye on stila concealer, I was content to browse the clearance aisle. The Irving Ulta has a kickass clearance section. I picked up 4 polishes…

Sally Hansen Gem Crush “Lady Luck” – fuchsia and silver holographic glitter – for 69 cents. I really LOVE Gem Crush and will own them all someday.

Orly “Purple Poodle” – fuchsia with a blue shimmer – for $4.99, and Orly “Masked Ceremony” – Steel with silver shimmer, fuchsia highlights and silver chunks – absolutely spectacular and $3.99. I’ve never tried Orly polish, so I’m intrigued.

Seche “All Lit Up” – fuchsia with gold shimmer – for $3.99. I’ve never tried Seche either.

So on top of saving approximately $18 on the clearance polishes, I also busted out a $3.50 coupon from my email. My total was $11 even. Now THAT made the OC in me REALLY happy!


Shit Nails


Sooo…I’m back at home and my nails look like absolute shit. Not only do my nails look shitty, but my hands are parched and the skin on my fingers is starting to flake. Too much handwashing in public bathrooms with cheap soap.

The “One Week” manicure looked great until Friday morning…when the middle fingernail on my right hand started peeling. I was in the middle of packing to leave town, so I left it and then patched it with more essie Luxeffects “Set in Stones” that evening. They looked tolerable enough, but by Saturday evening…I broke down and covered everything with a coat of Sally Hansen Gem Crush “LadyLuck”. I went to sleep happy…

…but today, the polish has worn off around the edges of all my nails – nothing wants to stick! I’m too damn tired from all my traveling to fix my nails the right way, so I’m just going to go to sleep and worry about them tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.


The Good Kind of Cheap


My BFF says I’m cheap…”but it’s the good kind of cheap!”

I won’t argue or try to defend myself – I’m always looking for a bargain. Any store I visit, I usually make a beeline for the clearance section. Running into Walgreen’s to buy a soda, I’ve gotta stroll by the clearance endcap in the back of the store. I couldn’t pass up Sinful Colors “Inkwell” for 67 cents and Sally Hansen Insta-Dri “Magenta Motion” for $1.79. (The Insta-Dri is for Dottie’s claws – gotta have the fast drying stuff for pets…and for six year olds, for that matter.)


One Week


One week…this manicure has to last one week. So I chose the flashiest, yet longest lasting look from the past few months.

See, I have a business trip in Chicago, leaving tomorrow on a 5:55AM flight. I won’t be back until late Thursday night. Most paint jobs would last that long, except I turn around Friday morning and drive to Dallas for Texas Frightmare Weekend – our yearly girls’ trip. I may have time to paint my nails at the hotel, but then again, I may not feel like it…but I can easily touch up chips with more glitter. I’ll be back Sunday, but I may not feel like painting my nails then either….so…ONE WEEK. Can I handle that?

Whereas I used Artmatic “Dusty Rose” on the original, I used 2 coats of Julep “Jennifer” as a base. The difference is like the difference between buying “nude” pantyhose vs. “Suntan”. Or maybe Katy Perry in a rhinestone bodysuit vs. Britney Spears? The glitter is essie luxeffect “Set in Stones”. The TSA better not steal it out of my luggage…it’s THAT valuable.


May Julep Maven Box – The Fresh Twist Collection


 This is the earliest I’ve ever gotten my box – thanks, Julep Maven!

 Several months ago, Julep offered the opportunity to “crowdfund” (think IndieGoGo or Kickstarter) their new invention – the Julep Plié Wand™. I paid for my May box in advance, in order to ensure the successful launch of this product. It’s a novel idea. Those who know me, know how much I struggle with painting my nails – for the most part, I have a “spray and pray” philosophy. If I screw up, it will always peel off in the shower the next day. With the Plié, I may not have that problem any longer? Looking forward to trying it out…

Here’s the description from the site:

Julep Plié Wand™: An ergonomic nail polishing tool designed to bring more control, accuracy, and fun to every polishing experience. The weighted handle twists, pivots, and bends, making it easy to polish with either hand.
Plié Overcap: Fits over any Julep nail color and magnetically interlocks with the Plié Wand.
Precision Brush: Features a shorter stem that allows you to polish closer to your nail.

May’s theme is “The Fresh Twist Collection”, with another set of Spring colors. Again, I denied the “It Girl” box and went with “Boho Glam”. In addition to “Jeanne”Jet-set blue crème, and “Paulette”Golden lilac tulle shimmer, us Crowdfunders received “Yumi”Pink, silver and holographic glitter. It matches the other two perfectly.

Julep truly listens to their customers, because just this morning, I got an email announcing that we will be able to customize our boxes starting next month. Of course, the price goes up to $24.99 monthly, but you can still get the $19.99 price if you pre-pay 3 months at a time. This might be one of my favorite boxes so far, but now that we can customize our boxes – every box will be my favorite!

Not a Julep Maven? CLICK HERE to join! Your first box is free with code FREEBOX!


Gymnast Nails

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Lily had her first Gymnastics Show today, so I decided to get all Pinterest-y and paint her nails to match her leotard. She usually paints her nails herself, so I was afraid that I would have to tie her to a chair to let me paint her nails. Turns out that all I had to do is bribe her with Hotel Transylvania and candy.

I put on one coat of Ulta “Fuchsiamania” and topped with China Glaze “It’s a Trap-eze”. They dried relatively quickly, so I didn’t have to get out the quick dry drops.

 “It’s a Trap-eze” has a milky white base. It’s really an odd formula, but I like how it muted the fuchsia to create a lighter pink. Even so, I don’t know how I feel about actually trying it on my own nails…

Oh…and despite what the picture shows, my daughter does have 5 fingers. I don’t know what the hell happened to her pinkie.



Cold, Hard Betrayal


This is what COLD, HARD BETRAYAL looks like.

Dr. Goddess suggested a manicure that depicts cold, hard betrayal and this was my brainstorm – the bleeding cracks represent broken trust. Deep, huh?

Actually, I just put a coat of Julep “Glenda” over my Arrest Me RedSinful Colors “Under 18” and Sally Hansen Gem Crush “Cha-Ching!”. I finished with Julep Freedom Polymer Topcoat.

Of all the crackle coats I’ve tried, I think I like Julep’s the best. Sally Hansen is goopy, Revlon doesn’t work and OPI is unpredictable. I wonder how “Glenda” would look over chunky glitter?