Do my fingernails remind you of a construction zone?
Orange is my least favorite color to begin with…but the description of Julep “Mariska” sounded inviting: juicy tangerine shimmer. I put on a thin first coat…and it dried matte. Hmmm…I put on a second coat…still matte and gross. Julep “Freedom Polymer Topcoat” to the rescue! I will admit that this top coat is awesome in a lot of ways. It dried immediately and I’m pretty sure it would make this paint job last a week without major chips…but I need to practice putting it on more thinly. It puckered around the edges and crackled. I even got an air bubble in it! Amateur mistake!
I am rarely disappointed in Julep, but I’ll admit I’m disappointed in “Mariska”. I won’t give up – I’ll try it under glitter, but I definitely do not like it alone.
I’m going to take this orange shit off my nails RIGHT NOW.
Well technically, my nails aren’t nekkid. I’m trying out Julep’s “Oxygen Nail Treatment”.
It’s no surprise that since becoming a Julep Maven last November, my nails have been seeing a lot of action. All this painting and de-glitterfying is starting to take a toll on the health of my nails. I’m not able to let me nails grow nearly as long as I used to…they have been peeling and cracking. Oxygen Nail Treatment is supposed to fix that – read the description from Julep’s site:
Complete nail care and make-up all in one bottle. Made with a patented Hexanal formulation, nails are restructured to a stronger, thicker, and smoother condition in just one stroke. Advanced plant stem cell complex provides anti-aging benefits, while ground-breaking oxygen technology forms a nonocclusive film on the nail, proving resistant to water penetration and improving the permeability to oxygen. Results are nails that are structurally stronger, and less prone to breakage and splitting.
I was up late watching the season finale of The Walking Dead last night, so I only put one coat after I saw how long the first coat was tacky. 2-3 coats probably would have camouflaged my yellowed nails more completely, but I can’t complain about how smooth and shiny they are.
Since I got my April Julep Box today, I don’t imagine I’ll be able to NOT paint my nails tomorrow, but I’m hoping my nails will be somewhat healthier by then…
Since my fingernails were already stained yellow from several weeks of green and blue polish, I decided it was a prime time to try out the Grey Poupon-ish “Kennedy”.
The description on Julep’s site called it “khaki crème,” and I expected to hate it…but on my fingers…I liked it! It reminded me of the butter color leather you’d imagine to be in Beyonce’s white Escalade. It’s smooooth like buttah. They should have named it “Paula” instead of “Kennedy”.
Even so, I quickly covered it up with a coat of Julep “Love.” “Love” looks totally different over a base coat than by itself. It really POPS.
Herpes or Duct Tape?
Although glitter is widely considered to be the “herpes” of the craft world…glitter is definitely the “duct tape” of the nail polish world.
Why? Because it fucking fixes everything!
I managed to take a sizable chunk out of my fingernail last night while trying to remove the plastic safety seal from a bottle of Taco Bell hot sauce. I screeched and immediately my husband ran over and said, “Did you break a nail?” I appreciate that he showed the right amount of concern AND didn’t laugh at me (too much) when I responded that I only chipped the polish.
ANYWAY…I just smeared a bunch of glitter all over the tips of my nails and they look as good as new. On top of the Julep “Tracy”, I used Sally Hansen “Shooting Star” but I couldn’t see it. So I just slapped on some wet n wild “Bow in my Presence”. It’s not bad, but still not the chunky look I was going for. A chunky silver glitter with a clear base would have looked bad ass, but I actually don’t have any chunky silver glitter. Time to go shopping…
Two fingernail posts in a row…uh OH!
“Tracy” was one of the polishes I received in my Lucky Mystery Box. I thought it was just another sparkly blue, but “Tracy” had a surprise in store for me – it’s texture! As the first coat started to dry, I realized that “Tracy” had a sea salt texture. It’s amazing!
Two coats dried super fast, but not quite as fast as I thought it did. I screwed up one of my thumbs getting my usual mid-Walking Dead ice cream.
I’ve got an idea about how to fix that…
Aislinn is prounounced “Ash-Ling”
Irish names are pronounced weird.
I didn’t waste any time getting the Easter Egg polish stripped from my nails so I could go back to the dark side with Julep “Aislinn.” Since my fingernails are already stained green, now is the prime time to try more dark polishes.
It was impossible to get a good picture of “Aislinn.” It’s a black base that’s sheer enough to let the forest green glitter peek through. No matter which way I let the light hit it, no angle does it justice. The texture is also pebbley and a bit dull. Unfortunately, it would benefit from a topcoat, which I was too lazy to put on last night. There are already tiny chips on the ends…sigh. Probably repainting tomorrow…
I wanted to do something “Springlike” to celebrate the Vernal Equinox, but instead, I ended up looking like the Easter Bunny puked all over my fingers.
Like Julep said, green polish is a bitch to get off. Although Julep “Party’s Over” took off the glitter like a champ, I was left with stained green Wicked Witch nails. Julep “Vanish” cuticle remover helped immensely, but there was still a yellow boogery tint to my nails. What better way to combat my Wicked Witch nails, than to lay down a coat of Julep “Glinda the Good Witch”? I topped Glinda with Sally Hansen “Green Rocket”, to camouflage any remaining bit of green.
My husband said that my nails look like his favorite Easter candy – speckled egg jelly beans…while I think they more closely resemble Cadbury Milk Chocolate Eggs. In any case, far too Easter-y for me!
St. Paddy’s Nails
I’m rockin’ a St. Patrick’s Day mani. I hope I have enough patience to leave it until the holiday on Monday.
I probably don’t.
It’s not that I don’t believe in myself…it’s Spring Break and I’m off for a week.
The first coat is Julep “Emerald City” from my Oz set. The top coat is Julep “Beatrix”.
Trends I Hate: Stiletto Nails
Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Rihanna…ladies, you look like WITCHES with those silly pointy fingernails.
How do you text? How do you put on pantyhose? How do you pick your nose? I know you have all manner of assistants to help you complete every day tasks that would be impossible for a normal woman with Stiletto Nails…but does your assistant wipe your ass for you, too? Seriously – all kinds of feminine care and hygiene are a dangerous proposition with those harpy claws.
So Stiletto Nails are all about luxury. This is the manicure that says, “I don’t have shit to do.” No dishes to wash, no diapers to change and definitely no foreplay. This is the manicure that says, “Touching a penis is below me.” This is the manicure that says, “My children have a nanny, so I don’t have to worry about accidentally putting one of their eyes out while giving them a bath.”
Thanks, but no thanks celebrity trendsetters. You can keep your ugly witch fingers. I’ll be over her with my old-lady-looking rounded tips.
Classy, not Brassy
I tried and tried and tried to come up with a filthy way to describe this manicure, but I simply couldn’t. It’s too classy.
So that’s what it’s called – Classy.
I used Julep “Lois” – not for the color necessarily, but to hide the blue stains on my nails from the last paint job. I then topped with Julep “Oscar”. The results were stunning. If light isn’t hitting the glitter directly, it’s almost a nude look…but as soon as light hits the glitter, it’s like each finger is a miniature gold disco ball. My husband busted me staring at my fingers last night. I tried to explain to him that if you had little disco balls on your fingertips, you wouldn’t be able to stop looking at them either!
I feel that I have disappointed you. I promise that I’ll try to be filthier in the future.