Tag: Fingernails

 
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Herpes or Duct Tape?

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Although glitter is widely considered to be the “herpes” of the craft world…glitter is definitely the “duct tape” of the nail polish world.

Why? Because it fucking fixes everything!

I managed to take a sizable chunk out of my fingernail last night while trying to remove the plastic safety seal from a bottle of Taco Bell hot sauce. I screeched and immediately my husband ran over and said, “Did you break a nail?” I appreciate that he showed the right amount of concern AND didn’t laugh at me (too much) when I responded that I only chipped the polish.

ANYWAY…I just smeared a bunch of glitter all over the tips of my nails and they look as good as new. On top of the Julep “Tracy”, I used Sally Hansen “Shooting Star” but I couldn’t see it. So I just slapped on some wet n wild “Bow in my Presence”. It’s not bad, but still not the chunky look I was going for. A chunky silver glitter with a clear base would have looked bad ass, but I actually don’t have any chunky silver glitter. Time to go shopping…

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Tracy

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Two fingernail posts in a row…uh OH!

“Tracy” was one of the polishes I received in my Lucky Mystery Box. I thought it was just another sparkly blue, but “Tracy” had a surprise in store for me – it’s texture! As the first coat started to dry, I realized that “Tracy” had a sea salt texture. It’s amazing!

Two coats dried super fast, but not quite as fast as I thought it did. I screwed up one of my thumbs getting my usual mid-Walking Dead ice cream.

I’ve got an idea about how to fix that…

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Aislinn is prounounced “Ash-Ling”

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Irish names are pronounced weird.

I didn’t waste any time getting the Easter Egg polish stripped from my nails so I could go back to the dark side with Julep “Aislinn.” Since my fingernails are already stained green, now is the prime time to try more dark polishes.

It was impossible to get a good picture of “Aislinn.” It’s a black base that’s sheer enough to let the forest green glitter peek through. No matter which way I let the light hit it, no angle does it justice. The texture is also pebbley and a bit dull. Unfortunately, it would benefit from a topcoat, which I was too lazy to put on last night. There are already tiny chips on the ends…sigh. Probably repainting tomorrow…

 

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Vernis Equinox

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I wanted to do something “Springlike” to celebrate the Vernal Equinox, but instead, I ended up looking like the Easter Bunny puked all over my fingers.

Like Julep said, green polish is a bitch to get off. Although Julep “Party’s Over” took off the glitter like a champ, I was left with stained green Wicked Witch nails. Julep “Vanish” cuticle remover helped immensely, but there was still a yellow boogery tint to my nails. What better way to combat my Wicked Witch nails, than to lay down a coat of Julep “Glinda the Good Witch”? I topped Glinda with Sally Hansen “Green Rocket”, to camouflage any remaining bit of green.

My husband said that my nails look like his favorite Easter candy – speckled egg jelly beans…while I think they more closely resemble Cadbury Milk Chocolate Eggs. In any case, far too Easter-y for me!

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St. Paddy’s Nails

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I’m rockin’ a St. Patrick’s Day mani. I hope I have enough patience to leave it until the holiday on Monday.

I probably don’t.

It’s not that I don’t believe in myself…it’s Spring Break and I’m off for a week.

The first coat is Julep “Emerald City” from my Oz set. The top coat is Julep “Beatrix”.

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Trends I Hate: Stiletto Nails

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Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Rihanna…ladies, you look like WITCHES with those silly pointy fingernails.

How do you text? How do you put on pantyhose? How do you pick your nose? I know you have all manner of assistants to help you complete every day tasks that would be impossible for a normal woman with Stiletto Nails…but does your assistant wipe your ass for you, too? Seriously – all kinds of feminine care and hygiene are a dangerous proposition with those harpy claws.

So Stiletto Nails are all about luxury. This is the manicure that says, “I don’t have shit to do.” No dishes to wash, no diapers to change and definitely no foreplay. This is the manicure that says, “Touching a penis is below me.” This is the manicure that says, “My children have a nanny, so I don’t have to worry about accidentally putting one of their eyes out while giving them a bath.”

Thanks, but no thanks celebrity trendsetters. You can keep your ugly witch fingers. I’ll be over her with my old-lady-looking rounded tips.

 

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Classy, not Brassy

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I tried and tried and tried to come up with a filthy way to describe this manicure, but I simply couldn’t. It’s too classy.

So that’s what it’s called – Classy.

I used Julep “Lois” – not for the color necessarily, but to hide the blue stains on my nails from the last paint job. I then topped with Julep “Oscar”. The results were stunning. If light isn’t hitting the glitter directly, it’s almost a nude look…but as soon as light hits the glitter, it’s like each finger is a miniature gold disco ball. My husband busted me staring at my fingers last night. I tried to explain to him that if you had little disco balls on your fingertips, you wouldn’t be able to stop looking at them either!

I feel that I have disappointed you. I promise that I’ll try to be filthier in the future.

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Superman Dat Ho

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Why yes, I DO get all my ideas from Urban Dictionary.

Superman Dat Ho is a base coat of Rimmel 60 Second “Blue Eyed Girl”, topped with a coat of Julep “America” – red, white and silver glitter, with silver stars. I LURVES it!

In related fragrance sample news, I tried the Versace sample that I got from Ulta yesterday. It was SO FOUL that my husband demanded that I take a shower. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to shower again and had to leave the house. As soon as I got back home from Lily’s gymnastics class, I scrubbed up to the elbows with AntiBac, like a fucking surgeon. I can still kind of smell it.

To be fair, it might have been men’s cologne. Whatever it was, it was GROSS.

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I Love You, You Love Me

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…We’re a happy family…

Admit it, you sang it in your head, too.

I can’t help but think of that big, ugly purple dinosaur when I look at my fingernails. They’re just so…purple…

I used Julep “Rosa” – Amethyst for February on top of Julep “Elle”. Honestly, I’m not in love with this paint job. I screwed up my thumbnail and the glitter got covered with the purple and the glitter doesn’t look right. I need either a darker glitter over the dark base or a lighter base to go with the light glitter. “Rosa” looked a lot better over a lighter color on my toes a few weeks ago.

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The Rusty Trombone

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Behold…THE RUSTY TROMBONE.

If you don’t know what a Rusty Trombone is, I am not going to be the one to tell you. Go ask your kid or something, you old fuddy duddy.

There are many layers to this manicure. The first layer is Sally Hansen Nail Prisms in “Amber Ruby.” It was the closest thing to rust that I had. The second coat is Julep “Glenda” – a creamy silver crackle. Since trombones are usually made of brass, I used Milani 3D Holographic “510” as the third layer. (WTF Milani?)

After 3 coats, my nails were super gooey, so I topped with a coat of Sally Hansen “Diamond Flash Quick Drying Topcoat.” It’s been over 5 hours and I don’t feel like the polish has cured. Hmmm…this rusty trombone might not last long…