Unicorn Poop
Doesn’t it look like I stuck my fingertips in Unicorn poop?
Don’t act like you wouldn’t do it. If you came across a glittery pile of feces from a mystical creature, wouldn’t you poke around in it…just to SAY you did?
But who needs Unicorn poop when you have Zoya “Bar” Magical Pixie Dust? I wanted to wear Julep “India” one more day, but I was starting to get major edge wear. “Bar” to the rescue! It literally took 90 seconds to do a quick gradient on the tips and breathe life into my fingertips.
I hope I don’t have nightmares about Unicorn poop…
Cerulean City
Take me down to Cerulean City, where the grass is green and Pokémon are pretty…
You may be asking yourself, how does someone as cultured cluttered and sophisticated sophomoric as myself know about Cerulean City. When my husband and I originally shacked up together, he was a bartender. Most days before work, he watched Pokémon…so I watched Pokémon. This was before we could afford more than one TV and before we stopped being nice to each other…so as hard as I tried to ignore it, I subliminally learned a lot about Pokémon.
Flash forward 14 years and two kids later…he’s still playing Pokémon…and so is my son. I just smile and nod.
ANYWAY…Julep “India” is a Boho Glam from August’s “The Wanderlust Collection.” Even though Julep describes “India” as freshwater blue shimmer, it’s the perfect cerulean blue.
“India” didn’t like the Revlon Quick Dry Base Coat – it did not want to stick. I managed to smooth it out and it looked great by the second coat. A shiny top coat is a must – Revlon Quick Dry Top Coat is what I used. Next time, I’ll try a different base coat.
August Julep Maven Box – The Wanderlust Collection
There’s nothing like coming home to a HUGE stack of boxes and mail after being gone a mere 48 hours…
2 zulily boxes, a book from Birchbox, an Ulta ad…and FINALLY, my August Julep Maven Box.
I was supposed to be excited that my Julep dropped DHL and switched to Fed Ex Smartpost, but I didn’t get my box any faster than I had been getting them before.
August’s theme is “The Wanderlust Collection.” I customized my box again this month. I picked a “Smoky Taupe Shimmer” Gel Eye Glider, Boho Glam “India” – Freshwater Blue Shimmer – and Bombshell “Neha” – Sari Magenta Shimmer.
There was NOTHING else in my box – no card describing the collection, no coupon codes, NO CANDY. I’m sorry about complaining about the Tootsie Rolls…Julep, give me my candy! My BFF also reported nothing else in her box. WTF?
After a weekend fishing, I’ll definitely be trying “India” tonight!
Not a Julep Maven? CLICK HERE to join! Get a special 5 piece Welcome Box with code SHIPSHAPE!
Glazed Godiva
Doesn’t it look like I ate a bunch of glazed donuts and didn’t wash my hands? Crusty, sparkly sugar. Gahhhhhh……
It’s not donut gunk – it’s just Zoya “Godiva” Pixie Dust.
This is two coats of “Godiva”. There’s a hint of Visible Nail Line, but nothing too serious.
I figured since I am spending the weekend at the beach, sparkly sandy nails would be a good fit. I need ALL THE PIXIE DUSTS.
Chyna…All the Way to New York
I refuse to associate the lovely Zoya “Chyna” with this Chyna, so I’m going to think about the Tori Amos song instead.
“Chyna” is one of the original Pixie Dusts and quite possibly the best! It would be impossible for me not to compare “Chyna” to Dorothy’s ruby red slippers. Two quick coats and my fingernails were completely dry within 5 minutes – did I mention how much I LOVE Pixie Dust? No base coat or top coat necessary – a perfect Sunday night polish.
How do you like the lighting over my husband’s bathroom sink? I usually take pictures outside in natural light, but I got caught up in Sharknado 2 and by the time I remembered, it was dusk.
I Say GODDAMN!
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Now THIS is a motherfucking polish.
Urban Decay “Mrs. Mia Wallace” might just replace Zoya “Sooki” as my favorite polish. Look at that deep, blood red.
…and look at that bottle. Instead of my usual “look at my fingernails” pose, I had to show off the bottle with the little skull on top. How fucking cool is that?
It’s been a while since I’ve used Urban Decay polish and I forgot how damn good the brush is. I hardly got it on my cuticles. The formula is nice too – perfect coverage in two thin coats. My one complaint is that I got a few bubbles, but I tend to think it’s because I used Sally Hansen Diamond Shine for the base coat. Sally Hansen Diamond Flash Top Coat helped a little, but I still have a few pinprick bubbles. Next time, I’ll try the Revlon.
I also did my toes, but I’m afraid to take off my socks and look…I used American Classics Yellow Stopper as a base coat…before I googled it and realized that it is NOT a base coat and will make the polish peel off…SIGH. I can be a silly pooh sometimes, but at least I managed to get it off my fingernails before I fucked them up, too.
Is That All There Is?
Caribongo “City Girl” was one of my vacay finds.
Indoors, it’s a perfectly average light blue glitter in a clear base. It’s rough and goopy and for some reason, it pulled away from the edges. Even sandwiched between Revlon Quick Dry Base Coat and Top Coat, the surface still had a pebbled feel.
I was surprised at how much polish it took to do two coats – I feel like I used a quarter of the bottle.
The first picture was taken immediately after stepping into the sunlight.
The second picture was after standing in FULL SUN for several minutes. Even though you can see that the polish base in the bottle turned bright red, the change is barely perceptible on my nails.
What the hell? Is that all there is?
This shit cost TWICE as much as Funky Fingers and doesn’t even work half as well.
Son of a bitch.
Everybody Be Cool!
If you knew me 20 years ago, chance are…you knew me like this.
True, this pic was from Halloween, but even when it wasn’t Halloween…I dressed like this a lot. (Thanks Bryan McAlister – for loaning me your shirt that I never gave back – I wore it until there were holes in it…)
What can I say? I was obsessed. I saw Pulp Fiction like 6 or 7 times in the theater. While I’m wearing a wig in the picture, I actually (accidentally) dyed my hair black the next Spring and then cut it in a pageboy (in my bathroom while drinking). I thought I WAS Mrs. Mia Wallace….until of course, I decided I was Amy Blue. (What are the odds on a Doom Generation palette coming out?)
Cut to 20 years later…thanks Urban Decay, for releasing the Pulp Fiction Collection when I can actually afford it. Thanks to Ulta, too – for releasing the collection the same week as a 20% off EVERYTHING coupon.
I bought it ALL. The “Pulp Fiction” Palette comes with 5 eye shadows: Righteous (light cream matte), Tyranny (warm brown matte), Vengeance (deep taupe-brown matte-satin), Furious (white satin) and Anger (black satin w/slight tonal sparkle); Revolution Lipstick in “Mrs. Mia Wallace” – a deep, blood red; Nail Enamel in “Mrs. Mia Wallace” – Deep red w/slight shimmer; Heavy Metal Glitter Liner in “Gunmetal” – Black w/black and silver sparkle – and 24/7 Glide-On Lip Pencil in “Mrs. Mia Wallace” – a deep, blood red.
I also picked up a new UBU Powder Brush – my old Mary Kay one was scratching up my face.
With my coupon and Ulta points, I managed to spend just under $100. I never could have afforded that 20 years ago!
Watermelon Improvisation
I don’t know how to describe Sparitual “Improvisation”. It’s pinkish, reddish, shimmer? The shimmer shifts from fuchsia to blue in the light, while the base shifts from red to pink. Sparitual’s website describes it as berry shimmer. Thanks…so NOT helpful.
I’ve decided that “Improvisation” is a juicy slice of ripe watermelon. The shimmer is the water oozing out of the slice.
This is a super sheer polish. After Revlon Quick Dry Base Coat, I had to use 3-4 coats to get decent coverage. Even after those 3-4 coats, I have VNL – VISIBLE NAIL LINE. No ma’am!
This isn’t a matte polish, but it isn’t super shiny either. Revlon Quick Dry Top Coat fixed that in 3 shakes of a lamb’s tail. (Can you tell I’m dreaming of the new Urban Decay Pulp Fiction Collection?)
Bar Magical Pixie Dust
OF COURSE, I’m going to start with the Magical Pixie Dust!
This is Zoya “Bar” Magical Pixie Dust – a glittery nude topaz. I want to try an Ombre with “Bar and “Godiva” next…
2 Coats, no base or top coats, just like Zoya says to do. It was quite pokey and sharp right after application and I left a trail of glitter on whatever I touched…that’s FUCKING AWESOME! I felt like a goddamn unicorn.