Category: Marital Aids

 
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Fire Fighter Ulta Haul

I was sitting in my local Ulta a few Saturdays ago, waiting for the bleach to process, and texted my daughter to find out if she needed anything from Ulta. She said no, then I told her to ask her dad…she told her to tell me to get more lube. I could feel her CRINGING through the phone. I was relaying this to my stylist…and she was like – WE SELL LUBE? I pulled up the app and showed her all the different options, and as I was scrolling, I saw the Smile Makers “The Fire Fighter” ($60)…since I had a 20% off coupon that was about to expire, I decided to splurge on my vajayjay with “The Fire Fighter”, as well as Unbound Jelly ($18) and Unbound Jolt Enhanced Stimulating Water-Based Gel ($24). Let me tell you, “The Fire Fighter” is one DAMN fine machine. Reach out for more details…

Even though summer is almost over, I occasionally shave in the winter…I love rose scented bath stuff, so Tree Hut Moroccan Rose Bare Moisturizing Shave Oil ($12.99) and Moroccan Rose Foaming Gel Wash ($11.49) were a no brainer. I even got a free Tree Hut Shower Sponge with my $20 purchase.

My purchase qualified me for a free Platinum & Diamond Exclusive 12 Piece Skincare Gift with $60 purchase, which came with Real Techniques Real Clean XL Makeup Remover Wipes; COOLA Sun Silk Drops Sunscreen; bareMinerals Ageless 10% Phyto-Retinol Night Concentrate; Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair; Cocokind Resurrection Polypeptide Cream; Philosophy Hope in a Jar Smooth-Glow Multi-Tasking Moisturizer; Perricone MD Cold Plasma+ Sub-D/Neck; Urban Skin Rx Even Tone Cleansing Bar; Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion+; Sun Bum Sunscreen SPF 30; Juice Beauty Green Apple Age Defy Serum; and Sol de Janeiro Bum Bum Body Firmeza Oil. I will use every single one of these!

Getting my hair done, plus this haul, leaves me with just $63 til Diamond in 2025.

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Big Bum Bum Ulta Haul

I’d been waiting for a 20% off coupon that includes Prestige Brands…and BOOM, it’s Bum Bum time.

I got full size Sol de Janeiro Brazilian 4 Play Moisturizing Shower Cream-Gel ($26), Brazilian Joia Strengthening + Smoothing Shampoo ($26), Brazilian Joia Strengthening + Smoothing Conditioner ($26), and Rio Deo Aluminum-Free Refillable Deodorant Cheirosa ’62 ($16). It ain’t cheap smelling this good. My friend Brittany asked if there would be a scented cloud following me around and the answer is YES. A scented cloud of salted pistachio and caramel – yum!

Don’t tell my children that I bought more lube at Ulta – Smile Makers Generous Gel ($19.95)

I also got a free mystery gift with my $60 purchase. The mystery included Billie Eilish “eilish” (it smells like straight vanilla extract); Real Techniques Miracle Concealer Sponge; OUAI Anti-Frizz Creme; it Cosmetics Confidence in a Cleanser (the only useful thing in the gift); Peach & Lily Super Oasis Concentrated Serum; and Lancome Idole Ultra Precise Waterproof Liner.

$763 to Diamond in 2025.

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Rosy Ulta Haul

I was running low on my absolute FAVORITE underarm deodorant – Megababe Rosy Pits Daily Deodorant ($14) – so I ordered one. I literally used the last smidge in the roller the day this box arrived.

We’re all adults here…I hope…so I’m just going to put it out there…after a hysterectomy and menopause, a lady might need a little help in the moisture department. I ordered Unbound Jelly ($18) and it does what it is supposed to do. No weird scents or flavors, it just gets the job done. Ulta is now carrying a wide variety of lubes and toys, so be forewarned. Good thing my teenagers actively ignore anything I write or put on social media!

Eyebrows are the most important element of my look these days, so I stocked up on a few more Ulta Ultra Slim Brow Pencils ($10 each) – one in “Medium Brown” for casual looks and one in “Dark Brown” for when I want to go full “Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest.” I got a free 9 piece gift with my purchase that includes an eye and face palette; ULTAmate Lashes Mascara in “Jet Black”; Velvet Matte Liquid Lipstick in a mystery shade; Lip Stain in a mystery shade; Poreless Face Primer; Matte Eye Primer; an eye shadow brush and a makeup sponge, all in a metallic pink makeup bag.

Not only did I use a $10 off $40 coupon and got the free Ulta gift with purchase…I also got a free 10 piece body care gift with my $60 purchase…which wasn’t really $60 because of the coupon. The gift included Hempz Citrus Blossom Herbal Body Moisturizer; Daily Concepts Your Facial Mini Scrubber (looks like the Dobie pad in my kitchen); Kniepp Mineral Bath Salt in “Under the Weather” (eucalyptus!); Whim by Ulta Beauty Peppermint Moisturizing Foot Mask; La Roche-Posay Lipikar Wash AP+; L’Occitane Amande Shower Oil; Completely Bare Don’t Grow There Body Moisturizer & Hair Inhibitor (you KNOW I’ll be trying this); Megababe Space Bar Detoxifying Charcoal Underarm Bar; Dionis Goat Milk Shave Butter; and Fresh Milk Body Cleanser. I feel like I would use ALL of those!

Just $329 to Diamond in 2024.