Shitstorm

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To say that 2016 was a complete and utter shitstorm is a VAST understatement. Between politics, celebrity deaths and even the fucking weather – a complete, utter shitstorm.

To commemorate that shitstorm, I created these shitty nails, which actually are not shitty at all. I started with Sinful Colors Base Coat and two coats of Sinful Colors “Nirvana”, the dullest, doo-doo brown I have. I topped with another two coats of Funky Fingers “Olaf” – yup, still hard to fish those snowflakes out, but I got ’em. I topped with “HK Girl”. A few of the snowflakes were still sharp and bumpy, but they all stayed down until I removed the polish.

P.S. That’s not a real turd. It’s a fake one I got from Five Below.

Here’s to hoping that 2017 is at least slightly better than 2016. It won’t take much.

December Ipsy Bag – carpe p.m.

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So does “carpe p.m.” mean “Seize the Night”? Wouldn’t it have been simpler for ipsy to just theme the bag as “Seize the Night”?

This month’s bag is full of juicy finds:a MintPear Beauty Blending Sponge (I am getting quite a collection of these); Benefit Cosmetics The POREfessional Face Primer; mPrincess Mineral Eyeshadow in “Melting Maple”; tarte Cosmetics tartist Glossy Lip Paint in “wcw” (I tried this immediately – I am not used to the glossy look, but the deep vampy shade looked great on me…although it did NOT last through a meal like the lip liquids I’ve been using lately); and Cake Beauty Heavy Cream Intensive Hand Repair Balm.

Oh – and that hot pink crushed velvet bag – CRUSHING it.

If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my link.

December Birchbox – Shine On

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I couldn’t resist picking the “Shine On” curated box this month – I saw a rose product and that is all it takes for me.

The product in question? The Organic Pharmacy Double Rose Rejuvenating Face Cream – two roses are better than one, right? Also in this month’s box: LOC One & Done Shadow Stick in “Rock Steady”IPKN Radiant Cream Primer SPF 15Rene Furterer Lumicia Shampoo and Rene Furterer Lumicia Conditioner (YES! Matching shampoo and conditioner in the same size tubes!) There was also a purse sized mirror in this month’s box, along with a card with fancy gift labels (that I would never, ever use because they aren’t self-sticking).

If you would like to try Birchbox, click on my referral link – https://www.birchbox.com/invite/5453f – I’ll get 50 points if you join.

Son of a Nutcracker!

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Santa! I know him!

None of that in my house – this is the year that both of my children no longer believe in Santa Claus. It’s bittersweet. Relief that I no longer have to prolong the elaborate charade, but still it stings just a little bit. This was the last of the childhood lies to die. My kids never did the Tooth Fairy thing – they refused to give up their teeth (I blame Teen Titans, da da da da). The Easter Bunny game lasted until Mommy and Daddy forgot to hide the eggs one year. And this year, we buried Santa – 2016 really WAS the year of Celebrity Deaths.

I’m trying to stay festive though. This will probably be my most festive look this year. After Sinful Colors Base Coat, I alternated with two coats of Zoya “Bobbi” or Sinful Colors “Pine Away” on each nail. I topped with TWO thick coats of Funky Fingers “Son of a Nutcracker”. I topped again with “HK Girl”. Let me tell you, this was a BITCH to get off. And I forgot how much “Bobbi” stains your nails. Ugh.

I was so honored that my mother-in-law liked this combination so much that she borrowed the polishes. We were twinkies!

Holly At Me

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Oh hi, orange nails – how you doin’?

Sinful Colors “Holly at Me” is a perfect match for holly berries – that luscious red-orange that attracts small children – “NOOOOOO! Don’t fucking eat those they’re POISON!” Seriously – why do all kids want to eat those? Every winter when they bloom, my daughter asks if she can eat them…I don’t know for sure if they’re poison, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it – because that’s what moms do.

This is two coats over Sinful Colors Base Coat and under Glisten & Glow “HK Girl”.

The gold shimmer is really enticing. I also put this on my toes (the day before it hit freezing temperatures). I was sad that no one would get to see them. but surprise! It hit 70 today and I’m wearing flip-flops. Texas.

You Can’t Sit With Us

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Last Thursday, I FINALLY received my Cyber Monday order from Jeffree Star Cosmetics. I get it – they had a huge order volume from Black Friday to get through…but I just HAD to wait until Cyber Monday, so I could get “Dreamhouse”…but in doing so, I missed out on one of the Limited Edition Christmas Shades that I wanted – “Deceased”. It’s come back into stock a few times, but I haven’t ordered it…yet.

In addition to the metallic Barbie pink “Dreamhouse”, I picked up another Christmas shade – “Sagittarius”. I tried to tell my husband I picked it out for him, since he’s a Sag. Again, he was buying none of my bullshit. I was not disappointed – “Sagittarius” is almost as perfect for me as my best shade, “Androgyny”. It leans very purple on me, although it looks nude in the pic.

Oh! And I bought one one of the new pink Skin Frosts“Regina George” is a perfect pink accent for “Dreamhouse”.

Also…I’ve never seen Mean Girls…Shhhh…

Winter Dragon

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I couldn’t hold myself back – I had to jump right into these Game of Thrones polishes.

After Sinful Colors Base Coat, I painted two coats of Funky Fingers “Mother of Dragons” on all my nails. It looked redder in the bottle, but it turned more pink on my nails – think knockout rose pink, like a darker version of “Rose Tart”. The dark purple undercurrent is there – almost like electricity. I topped several of my nails with a single coat of Funky Fingers “Winter is Coming”, which is large and small white glitter, interspersed with iridescent flakie shards. The shards go from clear to blue/green in sunlight. My first impulse is to put “Winter is Coming” over every polish I wear for a month, but it is a SUPREME pain in the ass to get off your nails. This shit sticks like GLUE.

I topped with “HK Girl” and the polish lasted for a full seven days with no chips and only minor edge wear.

Throne Games

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So…I had half a day off last Friday and I was “supposed” to be looking for stocking stuffers for my kids… but then I noticed that Five Below has a new Game of Thrones  polish collection from Funky Fingers! Add to Cart!

I don’t actually watch Game of Thrones, but I’ve heard about it from friends and the internet to appreciate the references. I picked just three: Funky Fingers “Mother of Dragons”, “Winter is Coming” and “Red Wedding”. These just scream HOLIDAY MASSACRE to me.

In case you’re wondering, my son said he NEVER looks at this website – only my other one. I can post on here that I found him a huge variety of poo emoji products – including post-it notes and a tiny stuffed poo. His stocking will literally be full of shit.

Velvet Ribbon

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Sinful Colors “Velvet Ribbon” is holiday spirit in a bottle!

I could just stare at my nails for hours on end – they are mesmerizing.

“Velvet Ribbon” is a deep red with gold shimmer. The polish is on the thin side, but I got absolute full coverage in two coats. I started with Sinful Colors Base Coat and finished with “HK Girl”.

This would be a great polish for my toes, if I ever get around to doing my toes. I hate doing my toes when it’s cold – I start feeling like they’re going to turn blue and fall off because I can’t put socks on.

December Julep Maven Box – This Way to the Soiree

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Oh hi, Julep – nice to see you so early this month.

“This Way to the Soiree” is December’s theme. They brought back It’s Whipped Matte Lip Mousse as the featured beauty product. I picked one of the new shades – “Swoon”, Heathered Wine Matte.

For polishes, I chose Boho Glam “Bree”Golden Gardenia Multidimensional Glitter (Gardenias are white?), and It Girl “Kristjana”Sweet Plum Holographic (this will look amazing with the lipstick). This month’s treat made me gag – a green apple Gilliam Candy Cane. I fucking HATE green apple.

Not a Julep Maven? Click HERE to join – I’ll get a $15 credit and you’ll get your first box free!