I’m not even kidding. Essie “Belugaria” is literally the worst polish EVER. Words cannot describe how awful this polish is…but I’m going to try to explain.
My first hint should have been the fact that it was $2.12. I’ve never seen an essie that cheap. This poor sad polish had been sitting at Walgreen’s for three fucking years. Seriously…NO ONE wanted this polish. Then I googled and saw that it came out in the Winter 2013 collection. But I made the mistake of taking it home with me.
Why is this polish so horrible? First…the bottle lied to me. I thought it was a black jelly with glitter…but NOOOOOO. It’s textured, which would be great if it was fine textured like “Sugar High” or if it was chunkier like one of the Zoya Pixie Dusts AND had visual interest. Nope – it was chunky as fuck and MATTE black with just a few holo hex glitters thrown in. Seriously, it was like spreading sugar scrub on my nails. After Orly Bonder, The first coat wasn’t too bad…thick and goopy, but not quite full coverage. My mistake was going for the second coat. It didn’t spread – it just made little mountains on my nails.
Although it dried quickly, the formula chipped easily. The first time I washed my hands – BOOM, half my nails were chipped to fuck. To be fair, this is a common problem with textured polishes, but this one is the most fragile I’ve ever tried.
Worst of all…it damaged my cooter. This might be TMI…but I feel like I need to make a public service announcement. This stuff is so sharp that it cut through several layers of toilet paper and scratched me. No blood…but a close call, nonetheless. Don’t worry, I took it off as soon as I got home from work.
Remember…just say NO to “Belugaria”.