Month: September 2014


Unicorn Farts

Yes, Kenneth…unicorns fart glitter. What else would they fart?

I dug to the bottom of my plastic bin to find the perfect red to go underneath Funky Fingers “Unicorn Farts”. I dug out Sinful Colors “Under 18”, which I don’t think I’ve ever used before. It is a pearly tomato red and it went on smoothly without pooling in my cuticles. I did have to a bit of artful dabbing to get decent glitter coverage, but it wasn’t as bad as other beauty blogs had claimed. It certainly wasn’t as annoying as “Fruit-Ta-Ta”.

I used Orly Bonder as the base coat and Sally Hansen Diamond Flash for the top coat. (My Diamond Flash is almost empty! I don’t know whether I should buy another one or try another quick dry top coat. Probably both.) The texture of my nails is still a bit bumpy, but none of the glitter is lifting up, so I’m content.

I wanna try “Unicorn Farts” over a silver holographic polish – maybe Julep “Coretta”?


Following in My Footsteps…


While the boyfriend is away…the BFFs will play.

We don’t usually go to the mall, but when we do – we Sephora. (And Nordstrom Rack and Victoria’s Secret and Bath & Body Works and you get the picture…) I have been hearing about lots of Kat Von D on clearance lately, so I was ecstatic to find the Esperanza Palette on clearance for $19! To be honest, I am more in love with Kat Von D’s packaging than the actually makeup, but I keep buying it anyway. I used this palette this morning and it faded quite a bit by lunch, but there was nowhere near as much fallout as the Chrysalis Palette. I’m going to try it with a primer next time.

I asked a girl who worked there if they carried Atelier there or if it was only online and she looked at me as if I asked for Jean Nate. Seriously? I am not a fragrance snob by any means, but really? I guess I need to hit Neiman Marcus to get a sniff…

I was smelling rollerballs and I happened to pick up Stella by Stella McCartney. Holy Fucking Shit – it’s the rose I’ve been looking for. I had my BFF smell it and she said, “It smells like you.” (Notice that she did NOT say it smelled good.) Of course, they were out of the rollerball. I wasn’t smitten enough to blow $52 on the bigger size, so I figured I could just order it online…but the website is also out of stock. I guess I’ll keep looking…


While I was rooting through the clearance bin, I wasn’t exactly paying attention to what my child was doing. I could see her right beside me in my peripheral vision, so I didn’t think anything of it. I grabbed 2 of the Esperanza Palettes and went to show my finds to my BFF. My child did not follow. I went back to get her and she was balls deep in applying makeup. To be fair, I think she was applying NARS blush when I found her, so she appears to have very expensive taste in cosmetics. I wonder where she got that from? I hope she didn’t get face cooties…


September Beauty Box 5 – Balancing Act

My BFF and I felt like we weren’t just getting enough samples in the mail, so we both signed up for Beauty Box 5! It’s $12/month, $30/quarter or $99/year for 5 beauty product samples. I signed up for the 3 month pricing, because I wanted to check it out first. My BFF signed up first and gave me a code to get the August box free!

September’s theme is “Balancing Act”. I received a Nicka K New York Eyelight Crayon in “Violet”; 2 foil packs of Natural Style by FUBU Deep Conditioner & Co-Wash; Sally Hansen Toe Spacer (Ugh, another pair); a bottle of My Beauty Spot Nail Polish (color not labelled, so I’ll call it Gunmetal?); and Revlon Bold Lacquer Mascara in “Blackest Black” (plus a $1 off coupon).

August’s theme was “Radiant and Remarkable” I received yet another Pur~lisse “Pur Protect SPF 30”; La Fresh Travel Lite Facial Cleansing Wipes; Nancoco Lip Gloss in “First Kiss” (SO DAMN PINK); a foil pack of Novex Brazilian Keratin; and a bottle of Style Essentials Nail Polish (again, no name on this one – white and aqua glitter).

Although there are a few Dollar Store Brands (Style Essentials, La Fresh, My Beauty Spot for sure) in the boxes, I am not freaking out yet. I’m pretty annoyed by polishes without names – what the fuck is up with that? I’ll give it a few more months and see what else pops into the box. Ipsy and Birchbox have me spoiled!

If you’re interested in trying Beauty Box 5, let me know and I’ll get you the code for a free box that I got. Their referral program isn’t live yet, so I cannot beg for referral yet!


Halloween is Coming…


I didn’t mean to buy a bunch of Halloween stuff yesterday…but it kind of just happens sometimes.

Somehow, I scammed my husband into letting me run into Ulta before lunch, so I could grab some more Zoya Remove+. (I kind of freak out a little bit if I have less than half a bottle left, plus I didn’t know if the new ad would still have a $3.50 coupon.) After lunch, we all went to Five Below. In addition to Pink Flamingo Duck Tape, I couldn’t resist more Funky Fingers! I got 2 of the 2/$5 Halloween Glow in the Dark polishes: “Oogie Boogie” – iridescent yellow glitter in a neon green base – and “Dia De Muertos” – matte pink glitter in a baby blue base. I also got 3 of the regular 3/$5 Funky Fingers – “Unicorn Farts” – chunky metallic multicolored glitter, “Olaf” – white snowflake glitter – and “Elsa” – white and blue snowflake glitter. (Yes, I bought Frozen nail polish. Suck it.) Everybody got goodies. I got a SHENANIGANS T-shirt for my BFF. My husband got spiderwebs to decorate the house and a football. Logan got a gag gum snapper. Lily got a rubber chicken. Seriously…a rubber chicken. I can’t even explain why.


Five Below and Half Price Books were just too much fun for the family to handle, so while everyone else took naps, I went to Target to buy toilet paper and paper towels. Yeah, that was my plan when I went in there…

In addition to stocking up on John Frieda and Olay, I came across the new Halloween Beauty Books from e.l.f. ($6!) I picked up “Vampire” for my BFF, because the colors will be perfect for her Cruella DeVille costumes. I got “Wicked” for my Maleficent costume. I also grabbed bunch of plastic totes for my hair and face gunk – all of my tiny bottles where overtaking my husband’s side of the sink.

Of course, I got the new Caramel Apple Oreos. They’re just as weird as you would expect them to be. They did not have the Pumpkin Spice Oreos, which is probably all for the better…


Horny Lady Gremlin


Remember the horny lady Gremlin in Gremlins 2? She was EASILY the best part of the movie, sexually assaulting the doctor from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Well, that’s what this polish reminds me of – the horny lady Gremlin. Don’t ask me to explain how my brain works – I don’t understand it either.

After Orly Bonder, I used one coat of Sinful Colors “Pine Away” and one coat of Orly “Bubbly Bombshell”. I used Sally Hansen Diamond Flash for the top coat. Easy Peasy – and my nails were dry within 15 minutes.




I wish I could say that I came up with this combo on my own, but I totally stole it from my cousin, Jess. She posted a pic with this exact combination of polish and I had to steal it. Just like I stole the Day of the Dead Converse…she better keep an eye on those Kah Tequila bottles…

After Revlon Quick Dry Base Coat, I used one coat of Pacifica “Red Red Wine” and two coats of Maybelline Color Show Street Art “Wild at Heart”. I finished with Revlon Quick Dry Top Coat, for extra shine – and to smooth down the glitter bits.

Since I was lazy and only did one coat of “Red Red Wine”, I already have a good bit of edge wear. Grumble, grumble, grumble…


Moldy Charms


So…I was not overly excited when I received 100% Pure “Seafoam” in my CEW Prestige Box. Not because of the brand – I’d never heard of it before – but because of the color. It looked not like seafoam, but like mold. Not that tangy greenish/gray mold you find on your bread, but the scary greenish/white Penicillin that you find on leftovers in the refrigerator. (Why yes, that DOES happen to me a lot. I’ve found fossilized mold in my fridge before.)

Starting with Revlon Quick Dry Base Coat, the first coat of “Seafoam” was super streaky. The second coat was perfect though. It actually didn’t look bad on it’s own, but I decided to pretty it up with a top coat – Revlon Top Speed “Celestial FX”. I love the base, but the tiny moons, stars and diamonds were far too sparse in the polish. (Lucky Charms, but without the hearts and horseshoes!!!) I had to do major digging to get any on my brush. I only got 2-3 pieces per nail, which kind of defeats the point. I tried to place the shapes, but it started sinking into the “Seafoam”, so I stopped. I finished up with Revlon Quick Dry Top Coat.

It doesn’t look bad – the surface was really smooth and shiny, but it just wasn’t me. I took it off so I could try something else…


Finger Herpes


So…Sally Hansen Miracle Gel doesn’t mix with other polishes – I found out the hard way.

I was tired of looking at my Hubba Bubba nails and I was feeling lazy last night and didn’t feel like taking it off and starting over. I unwisely decided to try slapping Sally Hansen “Fruit-Ta-Ta” on top of it. Oh NO. BAD IDEA.

“Fruti-Ta-Ta” is annoying as hell. The dots are very sparse and it’s impossible to get good coverage without gooping it on. As soon as I started gooping it on, it started to bubble. The chemical reaction started immediately – the regular polish MELTS the Miracle Gel. In addition to the rippling bubbles covered with pink, red and black dots…it was sticky. I sat on the coach and watched Fashion Police for AN HOUR and it still wasn’t all the way dry. I gave up and went to bed, hoping for the best.

When I awoke this morning and looked at my hands, the only thing I could think was FINGER HERPES. *sigh*

I can happily report that at least Miracle Gel is easy to remove. It melted right off, although it took a bit of scrubbing to get the dots off.


Hubba Bubba

I was having a crisis last night – I was overwhelmed and couldn’t decide on a nail polish last night. I kept looking through all the bottles and I had no idea what I was going to do…until I sat down on the toilet and spied the Sally Hansen Miracle Gel Set in “Shock Wave” that I got in my Allure Beauty Box.

Since my nails are real, I’ve never had a gel manicure or used gel polish. My BFF got one at the salon and it started peeling off her nails within hours, so I wasn’t sure what all the fuss was about if they’re that fragile. There’s no way I have the patience for anything that requires a UV light, but this new Sally Hansen set is supposed to set without lights!

I very carefully painted 2 coats of “Shock Wave” on my nails – it is a thick, thick polish and I didn’t want it pooling in my cuticles – but it did anyway. I still had streaks in my nails after 2 coats, but I was afraid to try 3. I let my nails dry for 5 minutes or so and then put on the top coat. It dried faster than I thought it would. It was slower than my Quick Dries, but faster than regular creme polish. The one issue I had with the top coat is that it grabbed the colored polish and made a few “bald spots” in my nails. I HATE that!

Even though the box claimed that the polish would last up to 14 days, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it the rest of the night without changing it. It feels impossible smooth and I feel like it would last at least a week with minimal edge wear…but that color. I CANNOT STAND the color. It looks like wads of Hubba Bubba bubblegum on the ends of my fingernails. Even Barbie would be like, “Hell no – that’s too pink for ME.” I wonder what a coat of glitter would look like over “Shock Wave”?

I would be interested in giving Miracle Gel another try in a different color. I even looked at HEB today, but all they had was the Insta Gel. I’ll be on the lookout…


Just 4 More…


I was thirsty…so I went to Walgreen’s to grab a coke. And 4 more 99 cent Sinful Colors polishes!

I had to complete the 2014 Halloween Collection, so I got “Cauldron Couture” – different shapes of emerald green and black glitter in a clear base – and “Mystery Moonshine” – purple, green and orange jagged glitter.

I needed a green to go underneath “Cauldron Couture”, so I got “Pine Away” – a foresty green shimmer. I also needed a basic purple. How is it possible that I don’t have a basic purple? I decided on “Amethyst” – a good medium purple.

Brace yourselves…Halloween nails are coming.