March Ipsy Bag – Tres Jolie

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March’s ipsy bag is beautifully color-coordinated – from the pale pink bag with a rose gold zipper to that snail thingy (more on that later) to the nude lippie. And the bag is super-sized – perfect for liners or brushes.

So about that cute little snail…it’s Ladykin Affinitic Snail Cream. It’s literally 80% snail secretions. And I am supposed to put this on my face. For wrinkles. For what it’s worth, I looked it up on Amazon and it had some legit good reviews…so I’ll give it a shot. But…snail slime…on my face.

Also in this month’s “Tres Jolie” bag: Cake Desserted Island Supreme Body Mousse; Elizabeth Mott Blending Brush (the Elizabeth Mott All Over Shadow Brush I received a few years ago is still my favorite lid brush); tarte cosmetics tarteist quick dry matte lip paint in “rosé”; and Doucce Freematic Eyeshadow in “Marisa” (for the record, I HATE the name “Marisa” – my college boyfriend cheated on me with a homely (and possible homeless) skag named Marisa).

Great bag this month! I’ll let you know if the snail trail kills me.

If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my link.

July Birchbox – Rise and Shine

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Rise and shine? Ugh, I hate mornings. So I need all the help I can get. Birchbox is trying to help a sister out the door with this month’s box.

Inside my “Rise and Shine” curated box: dr. brandt PoreDermabrasion (love this stuff – I use it up as soon as I get it); Milk Makeup Sunshine Oil (skeptical); Elizabeth Mott It’s So Big Volumizing Mascara (I’ve had this before, but I cannot remember if I like it or not); Klorane Smoothing and Relaxing Patches with Soothing Cornflower (I need to try these); and Living proof. No Frizz Nourishing Styling Cream with bonus foil packs of Living proof. No Frizz Shampoo & Conditioner (again, heavy usage of Jennifer Anniston in the advertising makes me skeptical).

If you would like to try Birchbox, click on my referral link – https://www.birchbox.com/invite/5453f – I’ll get 50 points if you join.

May Beauty Box 5 – Mer-May-d

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My very last Beauty Box 5 has arrived…after nearly two years, I’ve decided to end my subscription. I just wasn’t getting a thrill out of the boxes anymore.

May’s theme is “Mer-May-d” – oh, they made a funny. Inside this summery, waterproof themed box: Briogeo Rosarco Milk Reparative Leave-In Spray (interesting); Appeal Cosmetics Luxurious Lipstick in “Crush” (bright ass orange – never heard of this brand); Mystic Tan Mocha-Kissed Bronzer Lotion (Nope); Glamour Dolls Mermaid Lashes Splash Proof Mascara (Nope); and Elizabeth Mott You’re So Fine Liquid Liner in “Glitterati” (Nope on the waterproof part, but maybe on the glitter liner part).

Waterproof products are such a pain in the ass to get off and since I wear contacts, I try not to rub them any more than I have to. I prefer products I can remove with soap and water…but will pull out the makeup remover if I HAVE to.

Au revoir, Beauty Box 5.

February Beauty Box 5 – ???

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So this month’s Beauty Box 5 didn’t come with an insert, so I have no idea what the theme is supposed to be. Why is a little thing like that so annoying to me? I wonder if it just didn’t make it into MY box…or if they are cutting costs by leaving them out? Hmmmm…

Inside this month’s mystery box…Hemp Nation Moisturizing Body Wash with Hemp Seed Oil (will this make me fail a piss test?); StarLooks “Sultry Sangrita” Luxe Longwear Lip Pencil (isn’t sangria usually red?); Manna Kadar “Fantasy” (I have no idea if this is eye shadow or bronzer or blush – it doesn’t say on the back); Epic Blend Lip Balm in “Hemp Raspberry Pomegranate” (am I sensing a theme here?); and Elizabeth Mott Thank Me Later Eye Shadow Primer (I got some in my December ipsy bag as well).

Not a bad box…but still missing my card. I neeeeed it!

December Ipsy Bag – with Love from Ipsy

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This classy quilted red bag – it makes me want to go back to carrying a red purse instead of the pink one I carry right now!

December’s theme is “with Love from Ipsy”. There are some exciting goodies inside this month’s bag: RickyCare from Ricky’s NYC Classic 3D Blender; Pacifica Power of Love Natural Lipstick in “Nudie Red” (this will look great with the Pacifica eye shadow from the Target Beauty Box I just got); Marc Anthony Coconut Oil & Shea Butter Deep Conditioning Treatment; Elizabeth Mott Thank Me Later Eye Shadow Primer; and Peony Shadow Trio (I chipped both of my thumb nails trying to get this fucking thing open and jammed my thumb nail into one of the shadows, leaving a deep rivet – things in life shouldn’t be this hard).

I am thinking through my subscriptions for next year – I’ll definitely be keeping ipsy in 2016!

If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my link.

September Beauty Box 5 – Fall on Fleek

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September’s theme is “Fall on Fleek” – but there are no eyebrow products included. I’m thinking they need to brush up on their beauty slang…

Inside my fleek box: Elizabeth Mott Tints & Sass Lip + Cheek Stain (I LOVE this stuff – it’s so much better than Benetint – I originally got a full size in an ipsy bag last summer); Beautiful Nutrition Lemon Rinse Gentle Clarifying Treatment (Weird); Harvey Prince “Sincerely” Mini Roller (I could smell this before I even opened my box – very old lady smelling); Bellapierre Shimmer Powder in “Snowflake” (more illuminator – ugh); and Be a Bombshell Cosmetics Eye Crayon in “Amazon” (bright ass turquoise – I LOVE it).

I’m thinking I could put together a really HOT old Bingo lady look with these products – blue eye shadow, wine stained lips, lemony hair, white glitter powder and old lady farts perfume.

January Ipsy Bag – Fresh Start

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This is it – the last of my subscriptions for the month.

This might be the most cohesive Ipsy Bag that I’ve ever received – I could conceivably use all of these products together and not look like a clown! January’s theme is “Fresh Start” and includes Elizabeth Mott All Over Shadow Brush (I will never have to buy brushes again); Hikari Cosmetics Mechanical Eye Liner in “Storm”; (MALIN+GOETZ) Mojito Lip Balm (I’m wearing it now – I leaned over to give my husband a smooch and he didn’t gag, so that’s a good sign); Pacifica Natural Mineral Coconut Eye Shadow in “Ethereal”; and Velvet 59 Velvet Rose Lipgloss in “Noisette”.

I’ll be trying all these out tomorrow…

If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my link.

July Ipsy Bag – Sensationally Sunkissed

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Ipsy came last this month…So slow!

“Sensationally Sunkissed” is July’s theme. I am NOT a sun worshiper, so this month’s bag isn’t quite as exciting for me as previous months. This month’s bag is bright ass hot pink vinyl with scalloped edges – very cute.

Inside this month’s bag: Elizabeth Mott Tints & Sass in “Cherry” (another lip and cheek stain); bareMinerals 5-in-1 BB Advanced Performance Cream Eyeshadow Broad Spectrum SPF 15 (SPF in eye shadow…odd); POP Beauty Sunkissed Bronzer in “Secret Sunshine” (maybe I can use it as blush); Faith Aromatherapy “Citrus-Ginger” Anti-Oxidant Body Lotion (smells so good); and Pur~lisse pur~protect essential daily moisturizer spf 30 (I totally used up the last Pur~lisse I got).

If you’d like to try Ipsy – click here. I’ll earn 250 points if you sign up through my link.