May Beauty Box 5 – Mer-May-d

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My very last Beauty Box 5 has arrived…after nearly two years, I’ve decided to end my subscription. I just wasn’t getting a thrill out of the boxes anymore.

May’s theme is “Mer-May-d” – oh, they made a funny. Inside this summery, waterproof themed box: Briogeo Rosarco Milk Reparative Leave-In Spray (interesting); Appeal Cosmetics Luxurious Lipstick in “Crush” (bright ass orange – never heard of this brand); Mystic Tan Mocha-Kissed Bronzer Lotion (Nope); Glamour Dolls Mermaid Lashes Splash Proof Mascara (Nope); and Elizabeth Mott You’re So Fine Liquid Liner in “Glitterati” (Nope on the waterproof part, but maybe on the glitter liner part).

Waterproof products are such a pain in the ass to get off and since I wear contacts, I try not to rub them any more than I have to. I prefer products I can remove with soap and water…but will pull out the makeup remover if I HAVE to.

Au revoir, Beauty Box 5.

April Beauty Box 5 – Take a Hydration Vacation

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This is it – the last straw! As soon as I saw this lame box, it was over. I emailed Beauty Box 5 customer service to cancel my subscription last night.

April’s theme is “Take a Hydration Vacation” and it is full of brands I have never, ever heard of. Inside the box: Soapbox Sea Minerals Body Wash (smells like fabric softener); Jelly Pong Pong Paradise Pigments (hot pink cream blush – just what I needed); Maskeraide All Eyes on Me Hydrating Eye Gels; Chella Passionate Pink Moisturizing Lip Pencil (very pink); and Global Beauty Care Green Tea Makeup Remover Wipes (they send wipes every other month at least). I wanted to love this box – I gave it over two years – but I just don’t.

I’m not sure how many months are left on my subscription, so this might not be my last box…ugh.

March Beauty Box 5 – Make Room to Bloom

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“Make Room to Bloom” – sure, why not?

This month’s Beauty Box 5 is full of pastels and flowery things: Colour Me “Sky Blue” Fragrance (very strong Freesia scent – reminds me of a stronger version of Bath & Body Works Freesia); Mai Couture Blush & Highlighter Papiers (this is DUMB – tinted paper you rub on your cheeks); Pur~lisse Blue Lotus 4-in-1 Eye Adore Serum (full size is $65 – really?); Glamour Dolls Eye Shadow Duo in “Secret Weapon” (shimmery nude and copper shades); Personail Custom Floral Nail Polish Wraps (very Easter-y); and a bonus temporary tattoo – a rose.

Not a bad box…but some weird stuff, for sure.

February Beauty Box 5 – ???

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So this month’s Beauty Box 5 didn’t come with an insert, so I have no idea what the theme is supposed to be. Why is a little thing like that so annoying to me? I wonder if it just didn’t make it into MY box…or if they are cutting costs by leaving them out? Hmmmm…

Inside this month’s mystery box…Hemp Nation Moisturizing Body Wash with Hemp Seed Oil (will this make me fail a piss test?); StarLooks “Sultry Sangrita” Luxe Longwear Lip Pencil (isn’t sangria usually red?); Manna Kadar “Fantasy” (I have no idea if this is eye shadow or bronzer or blush – it doesn’t say on the back); Epic Blend Lip Balm in “Hemp Raspberry Pomegranate” (am I sensing a theme here?); and Elizabeth Mott Thank Me Later Eye Shadow Primer (I got some in my December ipsy bag as well).

Not a bad box…but still missing my card. I neeeeed it!

January Beauty Box 5 – Ev’rythang Done

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So Beauty Box 5 has gone full ghetto with the theme for January – “Ev’rythang Done”. Well, okay then…

So, I’m going to get ev’rythang done with Bodipure Keratin Gloves (Intriguing); Nails, Inc. Nail Polish in “Bruton Mews” (a deep, dark green – I don’t think I’ve ever seen a polish this color); Scratch Customer Accent Nail Wraps (These are supposed to work over polish); Novex Bamboo Sprout Deep Conditioning Treatment (I’m skeptical of this one – the foilpack says “bamboo sprouds”); Not Your Mother’s Haircare Plump for Joy Thickening Hair Lifter (Weird); and Salon Grafix Freezing Hair Spray.

After I keratin my hands, I’m going to paint my nails green and put gold stickers on them…then put bean sprouds in my hair…and then time for lifting and freezing. Then ev’rythang will be done.

December Beauty Box 5 – Smoky Season

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Okay Beauty Box 5, you’re on the bubble – I haven’t decided if I’m going to keep you in 2016.

December’s “Smoky Season” box is another weird one. This box included: OFRA Shimmer Eye Shadow in “Millenium Bark” (The color is alright, but it’s just a loose tin pan – what the fuck am I gonna do with that?); Beauty Box 5 Blender Brush; Prestige Cosmetics Total Intensity Eyeliner in “Deepest Black”; The Beauty Crop Glamazon Stick (a highlighter crayon); and So Fresh So Clean Makeup Removing Cleansing Towelettes (I’d complain about all the makeup remover wipes I am getting, but I actually used a lot of them this past Halloween).

I don’t know that I’ll be using ANY of these products any time soon. Grumble, grumble.

November Beauty Box 5 – Boosted Basics

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Oh, Beauty Box 5…you had me…then you lost me.

After several months of really good boxes, November is a WEIRD box. Inside this month’s “Boosted Basics” box: La Fresh good day. day moisturizer (to match the good night. moisturizer I received in an ipsy bag a few months ago?); Kaunis Facial Mask (I do love facial masks); Altchek MD Eye Gel Pads (set of 2); MOODmatcher Luxe Twist Stick in “Orange” (I used to have a green MOODmatcher in Jr. High! I tried the orange and it was a pleasant enough coral pinky hue – very moisturizing); and The All Natural Face Vegan Matte Cream Lip & Cheek Color in “Dusky Rose” (I am suspicious that the label looks like it was printed on a home printer – damn vegans).

It’s not a BAD box, just a WEIRD one.

October Beauty Box 5 – Think Pink

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Oh. Another Breast Cancer Pink-themed Beauty Box. *Groan* Well SHUT MY MOUTH, this Beauty Box 5 “Think Pink” box has some pretty good stuff in it…

Let’s see what we’ve got…a Happy Hands HappyFace Makeup Cleansing Cloth (it’s supposed to remove all your makeup with just water – WHAT?); a Ferro Cosmetics Pink Rhinestone Kabuki Brush (I’m in the market for a new powder brush – this one is SO soft); Styli-Style Perfect Pout Long Lasting Balm Stick in “Playful Pink”; Knotty Hair Ties (this type is so pretty, but they stretch out so easily); and a Nubar Nail Polish Mini in “Pinktober!” (Of course, it’s called that).

I will actually use all this pink stuff – thanks, Beauty Box 5!

September Beauty Box 5 – Fall on Fleek

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September’s theme is “Fall on Fleek” – but there are no eyebrow products included. I’m thinking they need to brush up on their beauty slang…

Inside my fleek box: Elizabeth Mott Tints & Sass Lip + Cheek Stain (I LOVE this stuff – it’s so much better than Benetint – I originally got a full size in an ipsy bag last summer); Beautiful Nutrition Lemon Rinse Gentle Clarifying Treatment (Weird); Harvey Prince “Sincerely” Mini Roller (I could smell this before I even opened my box – very old lady smelling); Bellapierre Shimmer Powder in “Snowflake” (more illuminator – ugh); and Be a Bombshell Cosmetics Eye Crayon in “Amazon” (bright ass turquoise – I LOVE it).

I’m thinking I could put together a really HOT old Bingo lady look with these products – blue eye shadow, wine stained lips, lemony hair, white glitter powder and old lady farts perfume.

August Beauty Box 5 – Primped

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Life is like Beauty Box 5 – you never know what you’re gonna get.

August’s theme is “Primped” – and it is an odd, but cool grab bag of products: Donnamax Printed Nail File with Case (very cute – it says, “hey did you just hashtag me?”); Starlooks Luxe Longwear Eyeliner Pen in “Plum”; HASK Beauty Monoi Coconut Oil Nourishing Deep Conditioner (to match the shampoo/conditioner and oil I’ve recently received?); Jerome Alexander Hot Stuff Go Pop Compact (a bright yellow compact with 3 shadows – in colors I would actually use – golds and browns, 3 glosses + applicators); and Pur~lisse Pur~Moist Hydra-Balance Moisturizer.

Good stuff!