Kroger has Outlawed Pussy?


I snapped this pic at Kroger last summer…OPI is known more for their merciless and unending product tie-ins, than actual product quality. Last year brought us a commemoration of classic Bond Girls…

I just couldn’t get over the fact that a Kroger employee was so offended by “Pussy Galore” that they had to put a sticker over it. And yes, I totally peeled it off…

It reminds my of my old High School Librarian. I checked out “Christine” by Stephen King and she had whited out all the curse words. What?




Inside a Hoarder’s Purse


So I switched purses the other day…I didn’t quite realize the extent of the lipgloss hoarding situation that was going on inside of my purse…they were all stashed in a zipper pocket on the front of my old purse, but my new purse didn’t have the same pocket…what do I do?


Surprisingly, I couldn’t find a makeup bag at home that would work – they were all either too big or too small. (My mom was addicted to Clinique and Estee Lauder “Gift with Purchase” – but she would end up giving half of the shit to my sister and I.) Then I remembered a mini Estee Lauder bag that I had stashed at work. I had been using it as an emergency vaginal care kit, but hey – what’s more important? Lipgloss or panty liners?

I was planning on listing the names of all the lipglosses in my purse, but the names wore off long ago. Boo. Most are Liplicious from Bath & Body Works, so just use your imagination and think of a name yourself.


Too Short


I did that thing.

You know…that thing where you cut one of your fingernails too short, then you trim the rest to match and then another one is too short, so you trim again…Eventually, all of your nails are 3 millimeters long and they look ridiculous in the sexy glitter polish that’s supposed to make you look like a porn star.

Yup, that’s what I did last night.

Even so, I think Julep “Beatrix” makes my fingers sexy. Don’t they look like they should be wrapped around a banana or a corndog or something?




“Lindy” chipped really quickly for a Julep polish…so I was happy to try out one of my new birthday polishes from my husband. China Glaze‘s new line of polishes is called Crinkled Chrome and I figured it would simply be a smooth metallic finish polish…was I ever wrong!

The Crinkled Chrome polish IS a metallic finish, but as soon as I put it on, I thought it was bubbling…but it wasn’t bubbles. As the polish dried, I figured out that Crinkled Chrome is an opaque polish, full of glitter – micro glitter and bar glitter. The glitter makes the metallic finish look like crumpled aluminum foil…or is it “crinkled” aluminum foil?

The big problem with this polish is the texture. Originally, I was going to say that the texture was like sandpaper, but it’s not quite that rough. More than anything, it feels like Velcro. When I touch fabric – it sticks to my fingernails. When I run my fingers through my hair, it yanks my hair out. China Glaze managed to invent the first Velcro nail polish!

It’s a damn shame – I love the color, “Don’t Be Foiled”. It’s not quite teal and not quite baby blue. It’s a perfect mellow blue. Maybe it will be less Velcro-y on my toes?


Happy Birthday to meeee, Part III


Holy crap.

My best friend bought me a Coach purse for my birthday.

She got the same one for Xmas and I have been drooling over it…and now we match.

Holy CRAP!!!




I loved my “Betty”, but I had enough microscopic chips to rationalize redoing my nails after 3 days.

With 6 new polishes in the past week, it was a hard choice…but I settled on “Lindy” from my Cupid Mystery Box. I’m not usually the sheer pink type. “Lindy” is an interesting polish. It’s sheer pink, but instead of regular glitter, there’s bigger pieces of sheer iridescent material. The matte finish looks faceted, but is smooth to the touch. This was also one of the quickest drying Julep polishes I’ve used – I didn’t even need to use the Quick Dry Drops.

The finish was so subtle, I actually had to step onto my back porch to get a picture in natural lighting.

I like “Lindy”, but I don’t love “Lindy.” I predict a redo tomorrow.


Cupid Mystery Box


By some miracle of DHL and the United States Postal Service, I actually received my Cupid Mystery Box on Valentine’s Day…Hallelujah!

I selected “Lindy” – the makeup lover box, but that may have been a mistake because I ended up with several duplicates. There were 3 polishes – the namesake “Lindy”, a bubblegum colored holographic glitter, “Nan”, a coral creme and “America”, a red, white and blue glitter with star glitter. (I already have “America”). The big item was the Sweep Eyeshadow Palette, which I already got a few months ago in my Julep box. There was also another “Rock Star” Hand Creme, but no complaints there…that shit is the bomb. I am excited about the last two items – “Boho Glam” Lengthening Mascara and “Blank Canvas” Mattifying Eye Primer…I’ll report the results of the Eye Shadow Primer to Dr. Delta, STAT.

I can’t wait to see what Amy got in her box! Wait, that came out wrong…


VD can mean a lot of things…

My husband did so good for Valentine’s Day this year…almost as good as the year of the Chocolate-covered Bacon…

1. Godiva Chocolate is my only requirement on Valentine’s Day. Fuck flowers, jewelry and fine dining, just hand over the chocolate.

2. “Loveswept” eau de toilette by Philosophy. This marks the first time EVER that he’s actually bought me perfume that I didn’t specifically tell him to go get because I needed more (Rapture and Beautiful). Technically, I did drop him a major, major hint by making him smell the sample that came in my Ulta catalog a few weeks ago, but I had totally forgotten about it. He had to go to 4 different stores to find it. Wow.

3. 2 China Glaze Crinkled Chrome polishes – “Don’t be Foiled” and “Crush, Crush, Baby”. Given my recent obsession, I can see why he added those to the gift.

All I got him was $30 worth of Cadbury Creme Eggs and some other shit in a bucket. I hope he keeps me.


It Puts the Lotion in the Basket…


…or else it gets the hose again.

I’m still giggling.

I bought this basket at Target today. Maybe it’s because I am rereading Red Dragon and about to reread Silence of the Lambs, but the first thing that came to my mind once I had all my lotions in the basket was Buffalo Bill.

The contents of my basket…B&BW Triple Moisture Cream in “White Citrus” (2), “Black Raspberry Vanilla”, “Mad About You”, “Carried Away” and “Pure Paradise”. B&BW Lotion in “Paris in Bloom”, “Butterfly Flower”, “Velvet Tuberose” and “Into the Wild”.  Pacifica “Tuscan Blood Orange” Hand Cream and the best for last…Julep “Rock Star” Hand Cream.

This isn’t even all of my lotion, just what fits in that basket. In other words, enough lotion to make half a dozen girl suits.


Happy Birthday to meeee, Part II


My birthday present from my husband came today!

Obviously, I had some influence on him…it’s the Julep Color Caddy + Well-Manicured Kit. I also picked out 2 polishes, since my last box came with a “Buy 1, Get 1” coupon…I got “Beatrix” (Black polish with gold and multi-color glitter) and “Rosa” (February Birthstone Collection). My husband is so good to me…

It holds 48 polishes and is already halfway full…uh oh.