Author: Lara


I’m a Bad Influence


As she was painting my toenails, my daughter Lily told me that she “wants to be a fingernail painter when she grows up.” Sigh. Way to aim high. To be fair, I’m fairly certain that she thinks that my job is being a fingernail painter. That’s pretty much all I do these days.

But before she painted my toes, Lily painted her own toenails and fingernails.

She picked out Julep “Kristy” and “Lindy” for her toes.



She picked out Julep “Libby” and “Geo” for her fingernails.

She has picked that combination before – she really likes turquoise-y fingernails.

That girl knows what she wants.

I hope she gives me a discount when she is a famous fingernail painter.




My son was having a sleepover for his birthday last night, so I threw myself on the grenade of trying to keep Lily out of their hair all evening. I decided on a Mani/Pedi Party in my bedroom. She did her nails…and then started looking at me.

Not only did I let her pick the polishes…I let her paint my toenails, too. She chose Julep “Joanna” and “Rosa” – Amethyst for February. Good job, Lily!

She did a pretty decent job for a 5 year old. To be fair, I did scrape off most of the extra in the shower this morning – there was half an inch or so extra around the edges of my toenails…but those who know me, know that they look like that when I paint them, too.


The Shocker Mani


I think I’ve found my signature “look.”

It’s called the “Shocker” Mani.

Why is it called the “Shocker” Mani?









THIS is why.

I used Julep “Coco” and “Nan” on the bottom coat and Julep “Jane” on top.

Now I can flash the “Shocker” everywhere…at home, at work, at school functions, at the grocery store…


Beatrix was a Bitch


It seriously took me nearly an hour and a half to get “Beatrix” off my nails.

Julep glitter is some serious shit. Zoya polish remover is the best I’ve used…and it still took forever.

Never fear, I ordered Julep’s glitter remover – It’s aptly named “Party’s Over”….but it won’t be here for another week.


Kroger has Outlawed Pussy?


I snapped this pic at Kroger last summer…OPI is known more for their merciless and unending product tie-ins, than actual product quality. Last year brought us a commemoration of classic Bond Girls…

I just couldn’t get over the fact that a Kroger employee was so offended by “Pussy Galore” that they had to put a sticker over it. And yes, I totally peeled it off…

It reminds my of my old High School Librarian. I checked out “Christine” by Stephen King and she had whited out all the curse words. What?




Inside a Hoarder’s Purse


So I switched purses the other day…I didn’t quite realize the extent of the lipgloss hoarding situation that was going on inside of my purse…they were all stashed in a zipper pocket on the front of my old purse, but my new purse didn’t have the same pocket…what do I do?


Surprisingly, I couldn’t find a makeup bag at home that would work – they were all either too big or too small. (My mom was addicted to Clinique and Estee Lauder “Gift with Purchase” – but she would end up giving half of the shit to my sister and I.) Then I remembered a mini Estee Lauder bag that I had stashed at work. I had been using it as an emergency vaginal care kit, but hey – what’s more important? Lipgloss or panty liners?

I was planning on listing the names of all the lipglosses in my purse, but the names wore off long ago. Boo. Most are Liplicious from Bath & Body Works, so just use your imagination and think of a name yourself.


Too Short


I did that thing.

You know…that thing where you cut one of your fingernails too short, then you trim the rest to match and then another one is too short, so you trim again…Eventually, all of your nails are 3 millimeters long and they look ridiculous in the sexy glitter polish that’s supposed to make you look like a porn star.

Yup, that’s what I did last night.

Even so, I think Julep “Beatrix” makes my fingers sexy. Don’t they look like they should be wrapped around a banana or a corndog or something?




“Lindy” chipped really quickly for a Julep polish…so I was happy to try out one of my new birthday polishes from my husband. China Glaze‘s new line of polishes is called Crinkled Chrome and I figured it would simply be a smooth metallic finish polish…was I ever wrong!

The Crinkled Chrome polish IS a metallic finish, but as soon as I put it on, I thought it was bubbling…but it wasn’t bubbles. As the polish dried, I figured out that Crinkled Chrome is an opaque polish, full of glitter – micro glitter and bar glitter. The glitter makes the metallic finish look like crumpled aluminum foil…or is it “crinkled” aluminum foil?

The big problem with this polish is the texture. Originally, I was going to say that the texture was like sandpaper, but it’s not quite that rough. More than anything, it feels like Velcro. When I touch fabric – it sticks to my fingernails. When I run my fingers through my hair, it yanks my hair out. China Glaze managed to invent the first Velcro nail polish!

It’s a damn shame – I love the color, “Don’t Be Foiled”. It’s not quite teal and not quite baby blue. It’s a perfect mellow blue. Maybe it will be less Velcro-y on my toes?


Happy Birthday to meeee, Part III


Holy crap.

My best friend bought me a Coach purse for my birthday.

She got the same one for Xmas and I have been drooling over it…and now we match.

Holy CRAP!!!




I loved my “Betty”, but I had enough microscopic chips to rationalize redoing my nails after 3 days.

With 6 new polishes in the past week, it was a hard choice…but I settled on “Lindy” from my Cupid Mystery Box. I’m not usually the sheer pink type. “Lindy” is an interesting polish. It’s sheer pink, but instead of regular glitter, there’s bigger pieces of sheer iridescent material. The matte finish looks faceted, but is smooth to the touch. This was also one of the quickest drying Julep polishes I’ve used – I didn’t even need to use the Quick Dry Drops.

The finish was so subtle, I actually had to step onto my back porch to get a picture in natural lighting.

I like “Lindy”, but I don’t love “Lindy.” I predict a redo tomorrow.