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1 Monthiversary

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It’s Beauty Hoard’s 1 Monthiversary!

When I started Beauty Hoard, I kind of suspected that I would get bored a few weeks in and would be pissed that I wasted $11.95 on the domain registration. I’m not bored yet…in fact, I am more hyped up than ever. My mind is brimming with all these crazy ideas…are you scared yet? You should be scared.

My Shocker Mani has inspired me…I have a bunch of new ideas that I’m DYING to unleash. If you don’t know what a “Glass Bottom Boat” is, prepare your socks to be knocked off.

In addition, I’ve signed up for Birchbox and Ipsy…so yeah, my addiction is spreading.

Thank you for reading my insane ramblings!

 

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Adventures in Gifts with Purchase

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So I bought $24 worth of Ulta eye makeup I didn’t really need in order to get a “gift with purchase” that I didn’t really need. (I did, however, NEED more Zoya polish remover, plus I had a $3.50 off coupon.) That’s what it’s like to be a hoarder.

I bought an Ulta eye crayon in “Devil’s Food”, hoping it would last longer than the eye shadow I’ve been using for my smoky eye. It’s fine so far. Amy found hot pink (the package said “Primrose”, but I think it might be fuchsia) eyeliner and I nearly snatched it from her. As soon as we got back to Amy’s house, I tried the hot pink eyeliner. She said that I look like I have a raging case of pink eye. (No, I did not take a picture.) The good news is that now I can dress up like Bob Costas for Halloween. I also got a new eyebrow pencil, but it’s not any better than the Cover Girl pencil I’ve been using, which is $5 cheaper.

Instead of eye makeup, I wanted to try Ulta powder foundation, but they only have like 3 colors. I spent 20 minutes smearing it on my inner arm and nothing matched, so fiddlesticks.

The “gift with purchase” had a little of everything – eye shadow, mascara, eye liner, lipstick, blush, brushes, nail polish…and primer. What’s the deal with primer? Everyone is out with a primer these days…

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I’m a Bad Influence

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As she was painting my toenails, my daughter Lily told me that she “wants to be a fingernail painter when she grows up.” Sigh. Way to aim high. To be fair, I’m fairly certain that she thinks that my job is being a fingernail painter. That’s pretty much all I do these days.

But before she painted my toes, Lily painted her own toenails and fingernails.

She picked out Julep “Kristy” and “Lindy” for her toes.

 

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She picked out Julep “Libby” and “Geo” for her fingernails.

She has picked that combination before – she really likes turquoise-y fingernails.

That girl knows what she wants.

I hope she gives me a discount when she is a famous fingernail painter.

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Grenade

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My son was having a sleepover for his birthday last night, so I threw myself on the grenade of trying to keep Lily out of their hair all evening. I decided on a Mani/Pedi Party in my bedroom. She did her nails…and then started looking at me.

Not only did I let her pick the polishes…I let her paint my toenails, too. She chose Julep “Joanna” and “Rosa” – Amethyst for February. Good job, Lily!

She did a pretty decent job for a 5 year old. To be fair, I did scrape off most of the extra in the shower this morning – there was half an inch or so extra around the edges of my toenails…but those who know me, know that they look like that when I paint them, too.

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The Shocker Mani

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I think I’ve found my signature “look.”

It’s called the “Shocker” Mani.

Why is it called the “Shocker” Mani?

 

 

 

 

 

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THIS is why.

I used Julep “Coco” and “Nan” on the bottom coat and Julep “Jane” on top.

Now I can flash the “Shocker” everywhere…at home, at work, at school functions, at the grocery store…

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Beatrix was a Bitch

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It seriously took me nearly an hour and a half to get “Beatrix” off my nails.

Julep glitter is some serious shit. Zoya polish remover is the best I’ve used…and it still took forever.

Never fear, I ordered Julep’s glitter remover – It’s aptly named “Party’s Over”….but it won’t be here for another week.

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Kroger has Outlawed Pussy?

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I snapped this pic at Kroger last summer…OPI is known more for their merciless and unending product tie-ins, than actual product quality. Last year brought us a commemoration of classic Bond Girls…

I just couldn’t get over the fact that a Kroger employee was so offended by “Pussy Galore” that they had to put a sticker over it. And yes, I totally peeled it off…

It reminds my of my old High School Librarian. I checked out “Christine” by Stephen King and she had whited out all the curse words. What?

 

 

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Inside a Hoarder’s Purse

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So I switched purses the other day…I didn’t quite realize the extent of the lipgloss hoarding situation that was going on inside of my purse…they were all stashed in a zipper pocket on the front of my old purse, but my new purse didn’t have the same pocket…what do I do?

WHAT DO I DO?

Surprisingly, I couldn’t find a makeup bag at home that would work – they were all either too big or too small. (My mom was addicted to Clinique and Estee Lauder “Gift with Purchase” – but she would end up giving half of the shit to my sister and I.) Then I remembered a mini Estee Lauder bag that I had stashed at work. I had been using it as an emergency vaginal care kit, but hey – what’s more important? Lipgloss or panty liners?

I was planning on listing the names of all the lipglosses in my purse, but the names wore off long ago. Boo. Most are Liplicious from Bath & Body Works, so just use your imagination and think of a name yourself.

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Too Short

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I did that thing.

You know…that thing where you cut one of your fingernails too short, then you trim the rest to match and then another one is too short, so you trim again…Eventually, all of your nails are 3 millimeters long and they look ridiculous in the sexy glitter polish that’s supposed to make you look like a porn star.

Yup, that’s what I did last night.

Even so, I think Julep “Beatrix” makes my fingers sexy. Don’t they look like they should be wrapped around a banana or a corndog or something?

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Velcro

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“Lindy” chipped really quickly for a Julep polish…so I was happy to try out one of my new birthday polishes from my husband. China Glaze‘s new line of polishes is called Crinkled Chrome and I figured it would simply be a smooth metallic finish polish…was I ever wrong!

The Crinkled Chrome polish IS a metallic finish, but as soon as I put it on, I thought it was bubbling…but it wasn’t bubbles. As the polish dried, I figured out that Crinkled Chrome is an opaque polish, full of glitter – micro glitter and bar glitter. The glitter makes the metallic finish look like crumpled aluminum foil…or is it “crinkled” aluminum foil?

The big problem with this polish is the texture. Originally, I was going to say that the texture was like sandpaper, but it’s not quite that rough. More than anything, it feels like Velcro. When I touch fabric – it sticks to my fingernails. When I run my fingers through my hair, it yanks my hair out. China Glaze managed to invent the first Velcro nail polish!

It’s a damn shame – I love the color, “Don’t Be Foiled”. It’s not quite teal and not quite baby blue. It’s a perfect mellow blue. Maybe it will be less Velcro-y on my toes?